I know that I haven’t written here for a long time. Cancer will do that.
In terms of an update, and I will keep it short, I am winning the battle, but it has been a real struggle. My tumor has shrunk due to the chemotherapy and my CT scan last week showed no sign of spread to my pancreas, liver, bile ducts or the rest of my body. Truly good news!
The biggest challenge that I have right now is what I like to call “chemo brain.” Because of this affliction, it is a real challenge to be able to write coherently and, at times, in a way that makes sense. Because of the effects of chemo on my brain chemistry, it is hard to concentrate and do research. It is incredibly frustrating, but I do the best that I can.
I have tried to stay active during all of this. I still serve on my local city council. I am teaching full time at the local high school, but that takes a toll on my energy.
All of that said, I am in a great place mentally and spiritually and I have a great team helping me beat this. Hopefully, after two more chemo cycles, another CT scan, some potential radiation treatment, and then surgery in December to remove what is left of the growth, this battle will be over and I can get back to normal.
One of the things about battling cancer, or any other serious medical condition, is that the experience either clarifies or changes life priorities.
In this case, I’ve realized the importance of my Catholic faith and have made a concerted effort to get closer to God, realizing that my faith is who I am, imperfections and all.
I’ve also come to realize that I really, really miss writing. This new desire to write is motivated by a sense of urgency that has been brought about by my medical condition. I also had a very honest conversation with myself and I came to realize that in the past, I wasn’t putting in the work with my writing that I wanted to. There were too many distractions, especially my teaching and work in local government, that I let get in the way of my true desire to write.
These things became excuses, and combined with my cancer and a great case of imposter syndrome, I just stopped.
Reality concerning my writing smacked me in the head on the first day of school when I told my students that there were no excuses for not doing things, that excuses were a crutch that supports us in our mediocrity and laziness. I also realized that I had to begin to practice what I preached, thus the decision to begin again with my writing.
So here I am, beginning again.
I am going to continue to write about the issues of the day, but will be shifting my focus more to foreign policy and writing less about American politics. There are enough people talking about American politics and I don’t know if I can consistently add anything to the debate. Plus, foreign policy and international affairs is really my passion and with a dispersed world war going on that nobody seems to want to acknowledge, I think I can lend more to the conversation.
I’m also going to make some changes to my website to make it more user friendly and accessible.
I appreciate your patience and I will work to make my essays relevant, interesting, and timely (thank you, Mark Schaefer). I will write about what is on my mind and won’t pull punches or hold back. Sometimes, I write mad and gritty, and that’s OK.
I hope you will join me for the ride!